How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

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A new survey from VitalSmarts has uncovered something that should come as no surprise to frequent users of social media. (And these days, that's just about everyone.) The study reveals that one in five people have lessened their contact with someone in real life on account of a virtual argument. You know the type....the uncle who aggressively posts  about politics on Facebook. The high school friend who shares jokes that are racist. A work colleague whose Tweets are laced with naughty innuendos. What's notable here is that what many of these folks post online are thoughts they wouldn't dream of uttering aloud. But sit them at a keyboard and all bets are off.

Facebook's been around since 2004, and open to everyone over the age of 13 since 2006. The latter year is also when the world met Twitter. You'd think we'd have gotten the hang of this by now. But the opposite appears to be true. The same VitalSmarts survey indicated that 88 % of social media users think people are ruder online than they are in-person. On the one hand, that's a good thing, I suppose....I'd rather be the recipient of virtual rudeness than live rudeness! And yet, kindness costs nothing...particularly in the virtual arena.

The time is now for all of us to make a commitment to being nicer when we log on. Think twice before you post....if you wouldn't say it face-to-face, don't say it monitor-to-monitor. Besides, if we don't start acting nicer online, we may soon find we have thousands of friends on Facebook and absolutely none in the real world.

For more insights, follow me on Twitter @MisterManners.

The New Cardinal Rules

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As Cardinals from around the globe descend on Rome for the papal conclave this month, they'll face a situation unprecedented in the Catholic Church. Not the fact that Pope Benedict XVI is the first pontiff to retire of his own volition in more than 700 years, but rather that the cardinals who elect his successor must preserve the highly confidential nature of the proceedings in an age of social media.

Advance word from Vatican sources is that the Sistine Chapel, home to Michelangelo's famed creation mural, will be outfitted with jamming devices to prevent electronic communication inside the conclave. For cardinals on Twitter--among them, New York's Cardinal Timothy Dolan (@CardinalDolan), who has 88,000 followers, but who follows only one Twitter account (@Pontifex), the feed of the now vacant Holy See (Benedict's Tweets have been archived)--the temptations to Tweet may well be worthy of a Bible parable.

The world of 2013 is a far different one from the one of 2005, when Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger ascended to the Papacy. Twitter was still a year away. The first generation iPhone was two years off, and Facebook's use was restricted to college students, primarily those in Ivy League schools. Now, of course, social media use has become a fact of life for most of us. And eighty-five percent of Americans own cell phones. (According to the Pew Research Center's Internet & American Life Project, twenty-nine percent of them describe their mobile devices as something "they can't imagine living without." And anyone who has visited Rome lately knows that the Italians are even more in love with their phones than Americans are.

But as for expecting live updates emanating from within the Sistine Chapel, whether from @Primadodemexico (a.k.a. Cardinal Norberto Rivera of Mexico), @CardinalSean (Cardinal Seán P. O'Malley of Boston), @CardinalMahony (Cardinal Roger Mahony, retired cardinal of Los Angeles) or @TurksonCardinal (Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana, a possible favorite for the papacy), Twitter watchers and Facebook posters will simply have to wait until the smoke rising up from the Chapel's chimney is white (as opposed to black), indicating that a new pope has been elected, garnering 2/3 of the vote, plus one.

In an age glutted with information that's disposable and forgettable, there's something appealing about communicating by a means as archaic as a smoke signal. Also very appealing? The Sistine Chapel's cell-phone jammer. Off the top of my head, I can think of more than a few places that could use one of those.

Seven Mistakes Men Make on Valentine's Day

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February 14, a day for love and romance, can quickly turn sour if a man fails to mind his manners. Here are seven sure-fire ways to mess up an otherwise perfect evening.

1) Skipping the Message
Store-bought greeting cards are fine, but don’t forget to include a personal message. It’s your words that really count—not the card company’s.

2) Waiting To the Last Minute
By February 14th, it's most likely too late to snag a reservation at the town’s most romantic restaurant, but you still have time to send flowers to her office. Whatever you do, don’t grab a wilty bouquet at the grocery store on your way home.

3) Wearing Khakis
This is not a casual Friday. It’s a night to look your very best. Wear a suit if you have one, or at the very least, a sportcoat and dress pants.

4) Using a Coupon
All the world loves a bargain, but whipping out a Groupon deal to pay for Valentine’s Day dinner sends the signal you don’t think she’s worth a splurge.

5) Skimping on the Tip
You may be resentful about overpriced menus on Valentine’s Day, but don’t take it out on the server or the valet. Remember: They have sacrificed their own holiday to help make yours special. Be generous.

6) Tossing Her Card
For her to find the card that she so painstakingly picked out for you sitting in the recycling bin on February 15 sends the message that you didn’t cherish (and want to savor) her words.

7) Going Back to Normal
Valentine’s Day is a wonderful reminder of the importance of acknowledging that special someone, but being romantic solely on the day Cupid is fluttering around—and a complete heel the other 364 days of the year—does not cut it. Keep up the romance (and the kind gestures) all the year through.

For more mannerly tips, check out this interview I gave to WPRI's "The Rhode Show." And I'd be forever pleased if you liked me on Facebook and followed me on Twitter.